Scarlet begonias or a touch of the blues

I should know better to keep my feelings to myself and not on this damn thing.
Peace out LJ.

This is history in the making.
Take it all in.

Obama 2008

ROSEEEEEEEE AND CHRISSSSSSSSSS ARE COMING TO NEW PALTZ THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH =D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why Spring Awakening?!


WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

The falling leaves drift by the window
The autumn leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sun-burned hands I used to hold

Since you went away the days grow long
And soon Ill hear old winters song
But I miss you most of all my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall

Cest une chanson, qui nous ressemble
Toi tu maimais et je taimais
Nous vivions tous, les deux ensemble
Toi que maimais moi qui taimais
Mais la vie spare ceux qui saiment
Tout doucement sans faire de bruit
Et la mer efface sur le sable les pas des amants dsunis

To celebrate this day of independence, I'm working at the place I depend on for money...
how ironic!

how come this is the only day people say the number before the month? no one ever says, "oh, it is the 8th of July." Is there some signifiance? or is it just a catchier way to say it?

I wish I had atleast one day off this weekend. I mean, I really wanted to go shopping to catch all of these awesome sales. Plus, I need to get a new iPod asap. Rose's party is sunday and I'm "mucho mucho mucho" excited! Mainly because I just want to steal her science fair project collage that her mama made for her =P But really, why must I work 7-1 before then? gimme a break! I feel like I have a zillion things I want to do and absolutely no time to accomplish any because I'm slowly watching my summer sift by as I serve people linzar tarts or get attacked by horse flies as I'm "guarding."

It this time, last year, I was packing for UArts. I would have left tomorrow, actually. I remember I was so nervous and anxious to meet new people and learn. I have no vacations or anything this summer. But I kind of like that I suppose. Between my classes that start Monday and Work, I rather spend my free time doing nothing with my friends. =)


this entry was a waste & complaining about work is frivilrous. I should be grateful to have employment w/ a good income (considering) and something to keep me busy & my mind off things. I'm just writing this to kill time before I have to go downstairs and face my family. infact, this will be deleted, amongst the previous 3 entries sooner than later.

I just want to get rid of this lonely, bitter, empty, person I've become.
I can't let anyone in and I don't know how to fix that.
I just want to forget. Start over. or something.

I feel like I can't talk to anyone without feeling like I'm wasting or taking up their time. I mean, real talk. I love how I can be with my friends and kind of escape reality for awhile. But lately, I just want to cry. I want to skip the BS conversation and just sit there, not alone. and no one wants to be with someone who is a debby downer. but I can't help what I'm feeling. I don't think I could cry infront of someone now even if I tried. I don't trust or feel or have that safety net anymore. I am a wall of numbness. Whenever someone tries to get in, I turn them away. I'm not ready. yet I need change.



I'm just confused alot lately.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing adds up.
I feel so selfish for having these emotions when I have some of the most genuine friends I've ever had. But, something is missing and I know only I can find it.
I hope I don't display any of this publicly..
it is more of an inner-conflict-of-unhappiness.
I try to get rid of it by passing time.
I try to stop feeling like a jerk or acting like one.
I can't breathe sometimes.

it's the night time I hate the most.




I need to escape reality.
Please, just take me away.

Prom might have possibly been the best way to celebrate the last 12 years of my life with the class of 2008..and now in a couple of hours I'm graduating with them!
Ya know, it's definitely not like what you see in the movies; prom, grad, and all. It's not perfect. but it's real. and it's finally here...rain or shine!

Congrats everyone! We made it<3

..what?

ARE YOU:
1. A Cuddler?: Most definitely am a cuddler. I miss those nights when there's nothing to do so we could just cuddle and watch a movie. Those nights were underestimated.
2. A morning person?: Once I am up and on a schedule, yes I am. However...give me the opportunity and I am not up until 2-3:00 in the afternoon-hands down.
3. Are you a perfectionist?: on myself, yes..but when it comes to cleaning and grades and what not.. lets just say, I like things messy.
4. An only child?: It feels like it sometimes. but no! I have an older brother & older half-sister. But it's usually just me at home.
5. Catholic?: I was brought up to be but my mom is catholic & my dad is atheist. Which leads to me being really confused.
6. Single?: I'm currently in a relationship with myself and so far, it's been pretty good.
7. Currently suffering from a broken heart?: A healing heart...slowly...healing...heart.
8. Okay styling other people's hair?: I actually do it creepily in my spare time. coughROSEcough
9. Left handed?: yes, and we are always a little bit loosey goosey.
10. Addicted to MySpace?: I've gotten over that drug-I'm all about facebook all day and all night baby.
11. Shy around the opposite gender?: I'm generally not shy, but there have been a few lovelys that've given me butterflies in the stomach which somehow led me to stumble words and then feel really bashful and all of those emotions.

DO YOU:
1. Bite your nails?: It's not just a habit; it's an instinct. especially when I am stressed.
2. Get paranoid at times?: eh, I don't think I do..ever..actually. Is that bad?
3. Currently regret something that you have said?: I usually regret what I write via text or aim. Sometimes I'll send a text and think "yeah, this is really necessary to send and he should know that." *send* "fuck. what made me think that was a good idea?" yeah...but that's been less of a problem lately.
4. Curse frequently when you get mad?: I say "fuckin" alot when I'm mad.
5. Enjoy country music?: Dana used to play rascal flatts in 3d design and lordy.. I didn't realize how much it bugged me until I listen to a full cd for 45 minutes.
6. Enjoy jazz music?: enjoy? breathe that love.
7. Enjoy smoothies?: yummm, I do I do I do!
8. Enjoy talking on the phone?: NO, NO.. THANK YOU.
9. Have a lot to learn?: openly.
10. Have a pet?: he doesn't compare to Whiteface, sorry Bond.
11. Have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" person?: If by fall you mean having your heart ripped from your chest and then shmooshed on the floor. Then, I actually fell for the perfect guy. :-|
12. Have all your grandparents?: My grandpa has enough love for all grandparents.
13. Have at least one sibling?: word.
14. Have been told that you are smart?: I will always remember Mrs. Gentile telling me I should apply to FIT because it's a trading school and "I would fit right in." Then when I told her that I wanted to major in music she said, I was " a Mariah Carey, not a Beethoven." great motivational guidance!
15. Have Caller I.D. on your phone?: si

HAVE YOU:
1. Changed a diaper?: yea
2. Changed a lot over the past year?: changed alot of diapers? nope, not even one. =P
3. Had surgery?: I had stitches on my chin & that's all I can think of.
4. Killed another person?: no..but if I ever did I'll be sure to let people know via survey.
5. Had your haircut within the last week?: I cut my bangs yesterday.
6. Had the cops been called on you?: I don't think so..

LAST PERSON WHO:
1. Slept in your bed that wasn't you?: my dad slept in my bed when I kicked him out of his so I could sleep with my mom when I was...well..I would just like to forget about that emotional state of my life this year.
2. Saw you cry?: err..vocal jazz II.
3. Went to the movies with you?: Dana & Chris & Zach.
4. You went to the mall with?: Rose/Amy/Sabrina/J/Eric/Matt/Joe
5. You went to dinner with?: Dana and I went on a Sushi Date ;)
6. You talked on the phone?: Mrs. Stead..err I hate the phone.
7. Broke your heart?: *blocked out*
8. Made you laugh?: Danurrr.

WOULD YOU RATHER?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue?: nose!
2. Be serious or be funny?: funny! but, I like being serious sometimes.
3. Drink whole or skim milk?: EW! soy!
4. Die in a fire or drown?: drown with da mermaids!
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies?: Um, Parent's most definitely. they can not only be my parents, but my friends AND enemies! and they cook me dinner. that's a homerun.

ARE YOU...
1. Simple or complicated?: Who wants to be ordinary in a crazy mixed up world?
2. Gay/Lesbian?: despite contrary belief, I do not have a crush on Schlude. =P
3. Hardcore sports fan? err.. I like cracker jacks?

DO YOU PREFER...
1. Flowers or candy?: I love Daisies & pink Gerber Daisies..but I'm gonna have to go with sweets on this one.
2. Gray or black?: Black.
3. Color or Black: well, I have the Breakfast at Tiffanys in b&w and color, and I definitely prefer Audrey Hepburn's flawless imperfections in b&w.
4. Lust or love?: Lust is a verb. Love is a lifetime. I was never good with grammar.
5. Sunrise or sunset?: also my name is Dawn, I enjoy the sunset.
6. M&Ms or Skittles?: OMGZ M&M's for sure! I could eat those crunchy, melty, milky, pieces of love all day.
7. Staying up late or waking up early?: I stay up until it's time to wake up early ^_^

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY !!
1. Do you like anyone?: *numb out emotions*
2. Do they know it?: doesn't matter.

DO YOU PREFER...
1. Sun or moon?: moon =D
2. Winter or Fall?: fall!
3. Left or right?: righty is too tighty!
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends?: best friends, definitely.
5. Sun or rain?: rain!
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?:mmmmmmm chocolate!
7. Vodka or Jack?: my mom is a vodka drinker & my dad is all about jack..that's kinda funnyyy ^_^

UNIQUE!
1. Nervous Habits: I laugh, mute, rant, crack knuckles, bite nails, touch hair. but mainly, I think I laugh-rant-and then bite nails.
2. Are you double jointed?: nopes
3. Can you roll your tongue?: rrrrrrrryes
4. Can you raise one eyebrow?: subconsciously when there is a camera infront of me..it just has it's own mind!
5. Do you make your bed daily?: l0lz I'm lucky if I make it out of my bed on weekends.
6. Which shoe goes on first?: left
7. Ever thrown up on someone?: sorry Katie =X
8. On the average, how much money do you carry on you?: umm..5? and I keep an emergency 20 in my purse.
9. What jewelry do you wear?: my g clef ring, my class ring, my toe ring, and usually pearl earrings but sometimes I spice that up.

FOOD:
1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: both!
2. Have you ever eaten Spam?: can you cyberly eat that out of your computer?
3. Favorite ice cream?: umm..umm..chocolate peanut butter orrrr cherry with chocolate flakes.
4. How many kinds cereal are in your cabinet?: 3 or 4. eat cereal...I haz notz.
5. What's your favorite beverage?: green tea
6. Do you cook?: I bake ^_^

IN THE LAST MONTH, HAVE YOU? (YES OR NO)
1. Had a b/f or g/f?: nope.
2. Bought something you didn't need?: sometimes I am an impulse shopper. and the other day, I was at the mall alone & I bought shoes for my cousin for no reason other than they were cute. She's 8. lol.
4. Sang in front of people? yesum
5. Been kissed: um nope.
6. Been hugged: yessirrr =D
7. Felt stupid: =/
8. Missed someone: gahg me =(
10. Got high: all day every day....NOT!
11. Danced Crazy: me & dana are PROS at that!
12. Gotten your hair cut?: you asked this already! I cut my bangs
13. Cried: yeah.. lol
14. Lied: yeah..

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!!@#$%^&*()

WHY.
WHY?
WHY.


I AM FINE UNTIL I DO THAT.
WHY DO I DO THAT?

DON'T LOOK BACK.
ERASE!


DON'T WAKE UP.
DREAMON!


POOR LITTLE SEAL GIRL.

THURSDAY.
RIDING BIKE TO SCHOOL AT 6:20 AM.
CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM IN ITALIAN.
GYM = AMAZING RACE, FINALLY.
EATINGS PASTRIES AT WORK.
LAST CHORUS CONCERT @ MPHS.
LOST SEASON FINALE (I DONT WATCH LOST)
CONCERT ESCAPADES.
NO SLEEP.

FRIDAY.
SCHOOL TIL MUSIC THEORY.
SMITHS POINT FOR SENIOR CUT DAY.
DRESSING UP LIKE A NYC GLAMOURITE.
SEX AND THE MOTHER FUCKING CITY MOVIE PREMIERE WITH MY MOM.
SENIOR CUT DAY ESCAPADES CONT'D.
WEEKEND.

PLEASE BE AS EPIC AS I INTEND.



I THINK THERE SHOULD BE A CITY TRIP SATURDAY?
BUT I DON'T KNOW EVERYONE'S SCHEDULE.
BUT DEFINITELY ASAP.
I ALSO THINK EVERYONE SHOULD TYPE IN CAPSLOCK.

When you're in love,
everything is sunshine.
All I see now are clouds.
even on really good days.

apathetic.

To David Kramer,

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Not that it even matters to you,
DMAllan

Today was eventful & nostlagic.

~LADSBS
~LTags
~LJPip
~

actually, I don't want to recollect yet.
I need to gather my thoughts.
but I don't want to. So no.

'til then..

Sometimes it feels good to just hop on the train with friends and escape to the city with no real destination. Kind of just take in all of the beautiful people and things surrounding you in the perfect weather. Someone once said that it's "people not places that make the best memories" but what if you're with amazing people in an amazing place?!That's just a feeling I want to hold on to forever.

A day I'll always remember;
Thanks for letting me be a part of the epic adventure guys <3

There is so much beauty on the Island that blossoms in Spring time.
Literally & Metaphorically.

Betty can’t quit carving question marks in her wrist; How come we’re so alone?
We waste away the days with nicotine and television samples from an era
we hate to admit we embrace.
We fail to represent.
We fail to be content.
We fail at everything we ever even try to attempt.
And so the story goes, as only Betty knows
It’s time to take control...GET DOWN!



I have ISS tomorrow. I've never even had a detention.
But hey, I did say 4th quarter was going to be a time for new beginnings & I guess spending my whole school day in an isolated room is qualified as something new.

On a brighter note, I'm excited slash sad for the Jazz concert tomorrow night. I feel like no one really knows their parts in any of the songs and we don't blend as well as we used it. But maybe that's just from a group members perspective & not the audiences. But I mean, Mrs. Stead always works her ass off meanwhile there are ppl who will sit down every day b/c "they are tired." I just want tomorrow to go over well. and I want her to be really satisifed. and I just want it to be a really good closing concert because it was a class that has been more than good to me. Sometimes when we are all lazy and tired in class, she will turn off the lights and we all sing in the dark. She mentioned once that it would be really awesome if we had a lamp to put on the piano for some peaceful light. So, for her present from the Seniors I made a lampshade that has piano keys & music notes across it with purple incorporated in honor of Mr. Rakowski. I really hope she likes it.

.) What's a difference between you and the last person you kissed?
We're both lost souls swimming in a small fish bowl. The only difference is I'm ready for the ocean & his sinking to the bottom of the tank.

2.) Who's the last person you kissed? Held hands with? Hugged?
Romantically, Billy. However, John Lewis, I hope you know that I will hug you anytime of the day...respectively =P

3.) Where is the next place you will travel to?
Huntington, hopefully.

4.) Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
Because we felt it. or atleast I did. and it was real. or atleast I thought.

5.) Have you ever worn the opposite sex's underwear?
I've worn Corey's clean boxers because I thought it was clever to jump on a trampoline in mid-thunderstorm. I was 13. It wasn't one of my smarter moments. I still have his boxers?

8.) When was the last time you cried?
I cried last night emotionally involved as I was being awakened.
I cried today after being emotionally confused with love and lack of understanding.

9.) Do you say sexy a lot?
no, I'm sorry..if someone asks me how my day is...I never respond, "Sexy ;)" I bet it'd be a good convo starter though..maybe I'll try it one day.

10.) Who was the last person you hung out with?
Rose & Schlude, beautiful people.

11.) Is there something you are waiting on?
I will not wait for you, no..but I'll be there unconditionally.

12.) What's something you currently want?
Cosmic Brownies..oh my fucking lord..

Sorry, got hungry, ate 13
yumyumyumZZZzzZz

14.) Do you want to get married & have children one day?
Preferably live happily ever after too.

Er...15,16 and 17 were dessert :D
yumMzmzmZmZ

18.) Ever kissed in the rain?
Misty & unmemorable.

19) ?
@@@@@@@@@@@@@

20.) Have you ever gambled in a casino?
Not really on my list of things to do.

21.) Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
I'm going through a Short-Hair-Free-Feeling-Phase. Although, I've lived with long hair my whole life & do think long hair is beautiful, flattering, and feminine. I just needed Change.

22.) What's your favorite place you've traveled?
Right now, New Paltz. My future home for the next 4 years.

23.) Do you like ice-cream?
I eat it alot. and I'm lactose intolerant. and my body hates me for it.
BUWHAHAHA

24.) What's your favorite color?
Pink and Black.

27.) Do you like to work with little kids?
I do! In a non-michael jackson way.

28.) Where are your mom and dad?
dreaming and sleeping and loving together.

29-35 found a great deal on flights to florida, and are currently vacationing, come back later!
^--- I L0L OUT LOUD!

36.) Would you ever consider moving to another state to be with the one you love?
If it would hurt my career, then no. Sorry. Currently: Heartless.

37.) Do you like sushi?
I like seafood! *sticks out tongue with food*

39.) Do you have empty bottles of alcohol hidden somewhere?
Yes but my parents are aware of them. Also, I have my wine glass which has stably been on my night table for a week now...which has been my mother's idea. l0lz

--PRETEND ALL THE QUESTIONS ARE HERE--
L0LZ!

42.) Own bright colored underwear?
Wouldn't you like to know #42...wouldn't YOU liek to KNOW.

45.) Are you going to have a good night?
it's 1:12. I'm eating dark chocolate. I don't sleep. Sounds good to me.

46.) Do you have strange dreams?
When I sleep, I dream and they are usually strange and too realistic.

49.) What are you listening to?
Spring Awakening..doi!

50.) Have you ever had your heart broken?
Shattered, Split, cracked, smashed, thrown, recycled, and reused.

51.) What's something you learned today?
Denmark is in Europe. I actually learned that yesterday.

52.) Are you happy?
Define: happy?

53.) What did you do today?
you don't really care.

54.) How many texts did you receive today?
alot, but I delete them after because my inbox storage SUCKS.

55.) Favorite drink?
green tea.

56.) Is cheating ever okay?
cheat your way through life and see where it gets you.

57.) Ever ran a red light?
kiss the roof baby..live on the edge.

58.) Have you dyed your hair?
I went through a phase in 6th grade where I died it flourescent colors. Now, my mom will never let me dye it again. mayeb it is within good reason?

59.) What is your ringtone on your cellphone?
Love Song<-- j.lew please tell me that's true!
My ringtone is just standard.

60.) Do you believe in Love?
I believe in life after love.